Contentment.

And then nights like tonight happen.

Nights where my children and I have absolutely nothing on our calendar. Nights where I leave work and head to the sitter's, excited to see my babies but also dreading just a little the evening ahead; not because I don't want to be with my kiddos, but simply because I know it will be just the three of us, all night long, and sometimes, frankly, I don't have the energy for that.

But then I walk through the door to pick them up and I see their smiles and feel their excitement, and we make it home and my little guy is so excited to help with the small things, things I consider chores, like bringing the in the trash can and measuring the sugar for the sweet tea, and my sweet baby girl smiles so big her dimples show, and we start to fall into a routine, and things are good.

And then I try to play baseball with my son outside in our backyard while sweet pea watches from a blanket in the grass, and we eat dinner at the kitchen table while talking about what shape the "cheesy noodles" are, and we have popsicles for dessert before heading upstairs to splash around in the bathtub and play with the trains and read and read and read before finally saying good night, and I smile as I close the door to my children's rooms, after kisses have been given and prayers have been said, and I realize, I am content.

For a split second, I allow myself to wonder if he even realizes what he's missing.

And then I choose to let the thought fade away, because I refuse to be robbed of this contentment I have found. I remember Paul's words, and I meditate on the fact that the secret of being content is simply realizing that "I can do all things through Christ who gives me strength," and so I press on.

I know what it is to have a husband, and I know what it is to be without, and I am learning the secret of being content.