I Begged.

Begging is not becoming, or so I'm told.

Unfortunately, I've spent the last nine months of my life begging. Begging my husband to discontinue a relationship with another woman. Begging my husband to return home so we could work on things. Begging my husband to talk to me, to let me in, to tell me the truth. Begging my husband to choose me, to choose our kids, to choose our life together.

Begging God to restore and redeem my marriage.

And none of it came to fruition.

And so here I sit today: a newly divorced woman, a now single mom to two young children, trying to make ends meet on what I refer to as my "child support budget."

Some days I sit peacefully, some days I have confusion and hurt and anger raging inside of me. Some days it's easy for me to believe God's promise that His plans are not to harm me, some days I struggle. Some days I make it through my waking hours without missing the father of my children at all, and some days the memories of our life together seem to spill into everything I do. Some days I rest calmly in the fact that not only will God never leave or forsake me, but He also won't leave or forsake my children, and some days I worry constantly about the negative effects of my little babies being shuffled from one home to the next. Some days I feel strong and confident, and some days I obsess over what it is about "her" that intrigued my husband enough to leave his family.

Every day, though, I am fully aware of my new reality.

And every day I am faced with a multitude of decisions and reactions in response to this new reality and all that it entails.

This is my journey.

It won't be easy, but I believe it will be worth it.