Calm.

It's been a calm kind of month around here. Calm, steady, and much needed.

For the first time in a long time, I feel like myself again, and it's been an absolutely beautiful experience to reconnect with the girl I used to know. Of course, this new self is different: seasoned, scarred, purified, redeemed...but I honestly wouldn't have her any other way.

I wish I could say that my situation has gotten easier. It hasn't. I still miss my kids when they're away, I still find myself frustrated with some of the decisions my ex-husband makes, I still get lonely every once in a while.

What has changed, however, is my perspective on the situation. God, purely out of His divine mercy, has been so good to me. He has proven Himself to be Truth time and time and time again, and He continues to patiently teach me about His heart, His character, and His will for my life.

My prayers are changing. I want to be in a relationship. I want to be married. I want to meet someone tomorrow. But even more than that, I want to live my life in the very center of God's will. And so I'm learning to trust, with all that I am and all that I have. I'm learning to let go. I'm learning to live like I believe that whatever God has in store for my life is so much better than anything I could dream up on my own, and in doing so I find myself spending less time attempting to control the reins and more time on my face in prayer.

As a result, I find myself in a calm, steady, peaceful place. The emotions, the anxiety, the restlessness...they fade away in the presence of Jesus Christ. I don't know why I'm surprised; God's Word clearly tells me to expect nothing less. I find myself in the balance between, as a friend stated today, simply believing the Word of God and knowing it to be absolutely true.

It's a good, good place to be.